My name is Ryan. I'm a thirty-something father of two located in Sacramento, CA. I'm a former pastor and recovering evangelical. I blog at the intersections of fatherhood, faith, art and science - all things I find sacred.
Relationships are messy, but essential to finding ourselves and place in this world. While I never want to see her hurt, my job is not to prevent the pain, but teach and model the tools to walk though it and learn from it.
I'm not going to be all my kids need in life. This may sound obvious, but when I actually face the reality it's a bit difficult for me to handle. There are things I just don't know, do well, or can anticipate about the world they will one day inherit. This is never more apparent than when it's time to bust out the tools.
I got a vasectomy a few months ago. If you follow me on social media this is old news as I documented the experience (not the actual procedure, just the before and after stuff). This experience revealed something to me: this is a topic that is not discussed enough.
I think in 2018 where we see so many men falling off the horse, we are desperately grasping for some sort of knight in shining armor to put back up rather than embrace complexities in people. I think the show is too passive of Jack's faults because they know how much we all want to to idolize people, even when it's actually hurting us.
I'm driven by my belief that love, in all of its complexity, is the driving force of our human experience. The pursuit of love across tribal lines drives my curiosities towards those who've had experiences outside of my own. It was my encounters with people and my love for them that cracked my religious shell and I've run that direction ever since.
Questioning the way of interacting with the world that I had known for so long left massive voids in my life. This was an identity and a culture I belonged to; a profession I planned my whole life around. I looked for new things to fill those voids; grasping on to anything that I thought would tell me who I was, and affirm that I was ok.
Rhodes and I both enjoy film and TV. Especially during the winter season, we often find ourselves exploring new shows, characters, and stories. Without a doubt there are some TERRIBLE kids programs out there (see "Caillou"). There are, however, some really decent ones that I can watch alongside him and not go completely insane. Rhodes is five years-old, and so the following are my top five picks of Netflix Originals for that age group.
Contrary to popular belief, your life doesn’t have to magically change the moment you have a kid. If it doesn’t happen for you, don’t sweat it. There was no magic the first time I looked in Nate’s eyes. Just terror. We had this person now, a person who relied on us for survival. Pretty soon, these nurses were going to be dumb enough to let us leave the hospital with this person. The first month was a blur. No sleep, lots of tears. There was no magic. My magic moment came a few years later.
Recently I had the opportunity to speak at CreativeMornings in Sacramento and during the Q & A, someone asked me what a “recovering evangelical” is—it’s a line in my bio, which had been read by the host when she introduced me. I’m embarrassed to say that I totally fumbled my answer. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. So...here is the beginning of my story. My truth. The only one I can tell.
My eyes slowly open like a quick fade-in at the beginning of a film. They focus on the window to the right. It’s still dark outside, but a slight tint of blue is in the sky as the sun slowly begins its ascent in the East. It’s quiet, which means I have once again awoken before my phone’s alarm has gone off.
We do the thing where we switch off between Thanksgiving and Christmas each year. This rotation has worked for us and helped expectations with our families. Want to know where we'll be spending Christmas in 2023? We can tell you. Problem solved (mostly).
I'm the 36 year old man sitting in the theater who starts tearing up when the Lucasfilm logo and "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away" appear on the screen. I'm not kidding, the other night as these screens faded into view, I turned to Samantha with tears running down my cheek and uttered:"I'm so invested in this story."
If there is one thing that I know about creativity, is that it is about turning chaos into order. It's putting poetry to the pain of addiction, pursuing solitude to quiet an inner rage, or helping a client organize fragmented ideas and forming a plan. There's even a very old story that talks about the beginning of the world, and the dark and formless void that was brought to order by divine presence. Fatherhood is full of chaotic moments and we have the daly choice to engage and create.
As the week wore on and my spirits continued to dwindle, I kept trying to figure out what I could do to fix the situation because it seemed as though this attitude is only directed towards me. Maybe it’s because I have to constantly punish her for her behavior after not seeing her all day? Maybe it’s another reason? Should I not smother her with hugs and kisses as soon as I walk through the door? Is it just a phase, or does she really not want anything to do with me right now?
Changing my diet has made all the difference in the world when it comes to managing Meniere’s Disease. A low sodium, dairy free diet is central and we have adopted all sorts of alternatives to sugar, caffeine, and remain gluten free (for the most part). I’m nowhere perfect when it comes to sticking to it a hundred percent of the time, but I’m so grateful for the work that Ann Boroch accomplished and Janna was able to experience and share with me.
I spent most of my life pretty unaware of how some the major narratives around Thanksgiving can be harmful to people, particularly Native Americans. This wasn't intentional on anyone's part, it was simply a lack of both information and not knowing anyone with a different point of view. To be honest, we didn't put much thought into the matter. Thanksgiving was more about taking the time to be with family, taking inventory of the many blessings we had, and getting a few days off of school.
I was 31 when I was told I had a disease. No matter what age you are when you hear something like that, it's shocking. It's not typically something you think you're going to deal with in your thirties. Four years later, I'm still not sure I've fully processed everything that it entails.
I've noticed a growing trend: parent shaming.You've seen it, right? I remember a few months ago a picture came out of David Beckham's four year old daughter using a pacifier and people lost their minds. Or Ryan Reynolds (seriously who doesn't like Ryan Reynolds) when a picture came out of him with his baby in a baby carrier and he was widely criticized for the way he was holding her.
